Friday, September 07, 2001

So you're in the bathroom one day standing over the toilet when all of a sudden you feel sharp pain and bloating. At first you think you might need to number two but then you realize that it's only intestinal gas. But then you realize that this fart might be one for the record books, that it may be the longest, loudest and smelliest fart ever. It may even be worthy of spot in the Guiness Book of World Records. This fart must be captured for posterity you say to yourself. So even though the pain is intense and your colon begs for release, you hold the fart while you race around your house and try to find a tape recorder and a blank tape. Finally after almost thirty minutes of searching, the pain and bloating are so intense now that you literally feel you're going to explode, you find a working tape recorder and blank tape and you rush back into the bathroom as quickly as possible. You load the blank tape into the the tape recorder and quickly press the play and record buttons and you hold the tape recorder up to your wazoo. You squeeze your intestinal muscles as hard as you can and release the longest, loudest and smelliest pocket of intestinal gas ever and you got it all on tape. A feeling of relief comes over you and now the only thing left to do is to turn around and smell the fart and tape record a catchy phrase to top it all off. You turn around , take a deep breath and drink in all of the horrific aroma that was just expelled from your wazoo. And into the tape recorder you say the words " Ahhh!, The Aroma of a Freshly Let Fart!!